Verdict is in

I woke up this morning feeling really antsy and uncertain about how everything was going to pan out.  I knew that baby had most likely been born last night and that mom was going to make her decision today.

I texted the on call social worker and asked if she had any news.  I waited for an excruciating hour before I heard back.  Mom decided to place her baby through a private direct adoption with someone she knew personally rather than through the agency.

I felt ok about it all.  I'm disappointed that we won't be bringing home a baby, but I feel that this was the best decision for the baby.  I don't know the details, but I suspect the baby will stay in its home community, which is really important for maintaining cultural connection.  Also, I suspect that the adoption will be more open than had the baby been placed with us ...  because the mom knows and clearly trusts the parents she's placing with, I imagine that openness will be a more natural fit for everyone in this situation instead of if the baby was removed from its home community and placed with parents (us) who are not culturally connected to them at all.

So back to the drawing board.  Apollo feels relieved.  I feel disappointed, but I also feel optimistic.  Moonbeam has been asking about "the baby" all day - we never specifically addressed this particular baby with her, but it's obvious that our discussions have permeated her spongey little mind.  We took her out to the toy store and bought her a new bike to take all our minds off of the stress of the weekend and to remind ourselves how truly lucky we already are.

Moving on.